you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
