Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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