She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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