put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
