Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
