How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
