did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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