I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
