Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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