it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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