I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
