When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
