I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
