I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
