She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
