My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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