Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
