I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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