so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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