I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
