allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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