I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's never too late to be topless.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
