She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
