whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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