do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
