I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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