Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
