Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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