Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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