just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
