dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
