somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
