At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
