It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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