I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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