He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
