I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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