my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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