dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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