drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
