There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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