she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
