then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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