The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
