Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
