WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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