In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
