goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
