it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
