so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
