Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Never underestimate the power of titties
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
