I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
