the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
