I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
