Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No subtext here. People are naked.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
