ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?

  (213): View more from California

  Ya ya. Where you eating?

  (818): View more from California

  Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.

  Fav 4 1600 728

  share tweet
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.

  Fav 45 3902 1256

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.

  Fav 9 3653 905

  share tweet
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?

  Fav 7 2622 1126

  share tweet
  

• (620): View more from Kansas

  I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.

  Fav 10 5036 1128

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor

  Fav 2 2097 1022

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

  Fav 10 2418 915

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.

  Fav 6 1451 664

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.

  Fav 8 1990 659

  share tweet
  

• (707): View more from California

  Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket

  Fav 2 977 549

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.

  Fav 0 585 333

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (905): View more from Ontario

  He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.

  Fav 0 661 170

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.

  Fav 1 398 274

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.

  Fav 1 494 162

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...

  Fav 0 147 141

  share tweet
  

Randomize