the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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