the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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