I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
