one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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