I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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