Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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