Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
