i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
