end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
