My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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