One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
