I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
