I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
