I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
